Dear Shawols.
I am not exactly a K-Pop fan. I don't belong to many fandoms or constantly want to get updated about new groups. Usually it's more of a if-i-like-the-song-then-i-like-the-song kind of situation.
But SHINee has a very special place in my heart.
Many friends of mine wonder why I'm devastated over Jonghyun's death because they've only heard me talking about Taemin and his amazing dancing skills. I don't really talk about how special each of the members are and the impact that they have had on me.
I think that I have always been an emotional person. I feel a lot for people and it gets overwhelming sometimes. I wouldn't consider myself to be quiet or shy but I was always reluctant to show people that side of me. I wanted people to look at me and think that I was cool and okay. I couldn't really express my feelings and struggles to anyone.
And then one day, I chanced upon SHINee's Hello Baby. I don't know how many times I've rewatched the show from then on. Every single one of the members never failed to make me laugh with their funny antics. The warmth that they brought to me with their beautiful friendship made me so curious about these human beings.
I've seen them work so hard and struggling in the beginning for their debut performance to the point they won their first Artist of The Year award. Then they did so well that they could venture out on their own for solo activities. They worked so hard and they got rewarded for it.
Jonghyun has always wow-ed people with his singing. But for me, I am the most impressed with him on variety shows. He takes care of everyone including his leader. It's as if he knows that they need him to be loud and cheerful. He shouts and screams and makes jokes. He laughs the hardest and he makes fun of himself a lot. He was affectionate to everyone, young and old. As an artist, he was so passionate. His stage persona was on point all the time and he made sure that if he was serenading you, you would melt listening to it, and if he was in pain, you would feel a terrifying intensity. He really did so well.
Yes, I've only seen him them through the screen. But it is through that screen that I saw beautiful things and reflected so much on my younger self. They made me work harder and push myself more. They made me want to continue following my passion in the arts. They made me feel stupid whenever I feel like giving up and watch them throwing themselves around to dance more powerfully.
Jonghyun must have been so tired. He had to put on a smile for the people around him even though his heart was breaking in pieces and he couldn't stop it. He still took care of everything, kept being there for people, even though he really needed someone to do that for him.
I understand what it must feel like.
Depression is a monster. Jonghyun must have felt scared and alone. Not knowing when it was going to get better must have hurt so much. Yet he kept trying. And I'm thankful for that. He pushed himself as far as he thought he could.
I read about the news of fans taking their own life after Jonghyun's death. Well I guess this post is really for the Shawols who are still grieving, though I don't know if anyone will read it.
Hurting yourself or harming yourself because the pain and sadness is too great, may seem so ideal. But if you really were a fan of SHINee and Jonghyun, then you would know, doing any of those will bring so much pain and sadness to the boys. They are going through a hard time, and so are you. Instead of giving up, fight. Fight for important things that Jonghyun would want to fight for. Support his cause, his music and his team who are also grieving. It's harder for them who knew him personally. It's harder for them because they know more than what we know. Instead of taking your life away because he died, do something meaningful that you know someone as talented as he is will be impressed by.
We all grieve in our own ways. Some people think that SHINee fans are stupid for being this upset over a celebrity. Let's just calm down and ignore them. This is a fight we don't need. We can't expect people to always understand our feelings and respect them. Sometimes, people are unable to see that we are all similar. We all have something we enjoy and get motivated by or someone we admire and respect. Sometimes, people just can't see it yet. So don't waste your time trying to convince people who ask but aren't ready to listen. Also, to each his own right?
I've been doing my own bit of grieving too. Re-watching their videos online in the afternoons and crying my eyes out because I cannot imagine how this group must be feeling all this time. But there's always something that makes me smile. They genuinely enjoy making music. Despite doing all of their solo activities, when they sing and dance together in a group, it's like nothing else matters in the world. It comes from so much effort, that they really dance like they're gonna die.
If you're like me, and you feel like it will take a while before you are okay again, then just take that time. People might not understand it, but if you need it, you should. Do things that remind you of the amazing, cheerful Jonghyun. I think he would wants to be remembered as the amazing artist that he is.
If anyone is reading and would want to talk about this, please go ahead and leave a comment. I'll try and reply.
Till then, thank you Jonghyun. You did well. <3
But SHINee has a very special place in my heart.
Many friends of mine wonder why I'm devastated over Jonghyun's death because they've only heard me talking about Taemin and his amazing dancing skills. I don't really talk about how special each of the members are and the impact that they have had on me.
I think that I have always been an emotional person. I feel a lot for people and it gets overwhelming sometimes. I wouldn't consider myself to be quiet or shy but I was always reluctant to show people that side of me. I wanted people to look at me and think that I was cool and okay. I couldn't really express my feelings and struggles to anyone.
And then one day, I chanced upon SHINee's Hello Baby. I don't know how many times I've rewatched the show from then on. Every single one of the members never failed to make me laugh with their funny antics. The warmth that they brought to me with their beautiful friendship made me so curious about these human beings.
I've seen them work so hard and struggling in the beginning for their debut performance to the point they won their first Artist of The Year award. Then they did so well that they could venture out on their own for solo activities. They worked so hard and they got rewarded for it.
Jonghyun has always wow-ed people with his singing. But for me, I am the most impressed with him on variety shows. He takes care of everyone including his leader. It's as if he knows that they need him to be loud and cheerful. He shouts and screams and makes jokes. He laughs the hardest and he makes fun of himself a lot. He was affectionate to everyone, young and old. As an artist, he was so passionate. His stage persona was on point all the time and he made sure that if he was serenading you, you would melt listening to it, and if he was in pain, you would feel a terrifying intensity. He really did so well.
Yes, I've only seen him them through the screen. But it is through that screen that I saw beautiful things and reflected so much on my younger self. They made me work harder and push myself more. They made me want to continue following my passion in the arts. They made me feel stupid whenever I feel like giving up and watch them throwing themselves around to dance more powerfully.
Jonghyun must have been so tired. He had to put on a smile for the people around him even though his heart was breaking in pieces and he couldn't stop it. He still took care of everything, kept being there for people, even though he really needed someone to do that for him.
I understand what it must feel like.
Depression is a monster. Jonghyun must have felt scared and alone. Not knowing when it was going to get better must have hurt so much. Yet he kept trying. And I'm thankful for that. He pushed himself as far as he thought he could.
I read about the news of fans taking their own life after Jonghyun's death. Well I guess this post is really for the Shawols who are still grieving, though I don't know if anyone will read it.
Hurting yourself or harming yourself because the pain and sadness is too great, may seem so ideal. But if you really were a fan of SHINee and Jonghyun, then you would know, doing any of those will bring so much pain and sadness to the boys. They are going through a hard time, and so are you. Instead of giving up, fight. Fight for important things that Jonghyun would want to fight for. Support his cause, his music and his team who are also grieving. It's harder for them who knew him personally. It's harder for them because they know more than what we know. Instead of taking your life away because he died, do something meaningful that you know someone as talented as he is will be impressed by.
We all grieve in our own ways. Some people think that SHINee fans are stupid for being this upset over a celebrity. Let's just calm down and ignore them. This is a fight we don't need. We can't expect people to always understand our feelings and respect them. Sometimes, people are unable to see that we are all similar. We all have something we enjoy and get motivated by or someone we admire and respect. Sometimes, people just can't see it yet. So don't waste your time trying to convince people who ask but aren't ready to listen. Also, to each his own right?
I've been doing my own bit of grieving too. Re-watching their videos online in the afternoons and crying my eyes out because I cannot imagine how this group must be feeling all this time. But there's always something that makes me smile. They genuinely enjoy making music. Despite doing all of their solo activities, when they sing and dance together in a group, it's like nothing else matters in the world. It comes from so much effort, that they really dance like they're gonna die.
If you're like me, and you feel like it will take a while before you are okay again, then just take that time. People might not understand it, but if you need it, you should. Do things that remind you of the amazing, cheerful Jonghyun. I think he would wants to be remembered as the amazing artist that he is.
If anyone is reading and would want to talk about this, please go ahead and leave a comment. I'll try and reply.
Till then, thank you Jonghyun. You did well. <3
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